A new phone that is. And who told me to get one? My easily embarrassed little nest of vipers is who. Seems she gets shy when we’re out an’ about or in polite company and I suddenly whip it out. This I can relate to, but my phone makes her shy? Could it be that it’s the size of a house brick with a two foot antenna requiring a charger the size of several house bricks? And It’s an essential bit o’ kit, right? Right. I use it, what, twenty times a year? And ten of those are calls to check the balance so’s they don’t confiscate the money thinking the phone’s inactive.
So off to the shop we went and I was wondering if this adventure would be on a par with the last expedition.
“Yes Sir, how can I be of assistance?” and, after spotting what I was clutching in my hands, exclaimed, “Whoa!! That’s a big one!”
”Why thank you.” I replied modestly. This elicited a hefty kick on the shin and a dagger-like look from her outdoors.
“Just look at the size of that ol’ phone! Looks like a brick!”
”What? Oh, yes, the phone. I’m looking for a new one and, after a brief perusal of your wares, I’m guessing this is the right place.”
While I was in conversation with the sales guy, I say ‘conversation’, he was talking and I’d drifted off to watch that little bluebird in my head, she’d been an’ gone an’ chosen me a phone which, good on her, seemed to be the smallest and cheapest smart phone in the shop.
“Okay,” said the reduced commission sales guy, “what I’ll do now is shift stuff of this brick to this little piece of sh… this new phone. Would you like to keep your number?”
This brought back memories of a previous number keeping attempt and so I enquired, “You can do that for me?”
”Can.”
”Can?”
”Can.”
”Can?” Her outdoors joined in.
”Can.”
On completion of this three-way can-can, during which we collected a small amount of money for a local donkey shelter, my man did what he had to do.
“In a few hours this brick will go dead and the new phone will go active. Could be this evening, could be twenty four hours.”
”Cool. Thanks. Bu-by.”
That was Saturday morning. It’s now approximately now and after another two trips to the shop I’m the proud owner of a switched off brick and a brand new mini smart phone that’s as dead as my old brick. Pardon? No, brick.
”We’re having problems; it should be okay in another twenty four hours. Sorry about that. Any further problems, please try to call into the shop when I’m out at lunch. Bu-by.”
What I want to know is who’s smart idea was it to put the word ‘smart’ in front of ‘phone’ then?
Quote; David Mitchell.
“Right, my phone. When these things first appeared, they were so cool. Only when it was too late did people realize they are as cool as electronic tags on remand prisoners.”
Susan Orlean.
“I have no idea how to get in touch with anyone anymore. Everyone, it seems, has a home phone, a cell phone, a regular e-mail account, a Facebook account, a Twitter account, and a Web site. Some of them also have a Google Voice number. There are the sentimental few who still have fax machines.”
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