17 Oct 2017

And Then An English Lesson...

You remember when I opined, some time ago, that there seemed to be nobody who was asked a question, be it on the tele-viewing appliance or the wireless signal receiving unit, who could offer an answer without starting with ‘Well,’? Then I noted that the word ‘So,’ was sneaking up the rankings. ‘So,’ really hasn’t made any meaningful breakthrough at this time but today a fellow on the tele-viewing appliance attempted to further its cause with this stunning start to his answer;
“Er, um, well, so today we....”
Pretty well covered all bases there my man.

That was today. Yesterday, I was lucky enough to catch the studio news presenters preamble prior to handing over to the reporter who was out in the storm to illustrate, via moving pictures and moving hair, what a storm is for those who’ve never ever stepped outside.
“How is it there where you are now then?”
Say what? Is that even English?

To conclude, I was in one of they really, really big electrical superstores today. You know the type; they sell everything from mobile phones all the way up – past TV sets with screens bigger than any wall in my humble abode – to fridges and freezers.

Well, perchance, I found myself perusing a bit o’ kit close to an elderly couple of which the lady of the pair, under the close supervision of the sales guy, was giving one of they new generation of re-chargeable vacuums a test run. I couldn’t let the opportunity pass so I stepped forward and said, “Be very careful madam. I took up their offer to try one of those a couple of weeks ago and they wouldn’t let me out until I’d vacuumed the whole damn store.” Husband laughed heartily and her handed back the hoover right quick. The sales child looked a tad confused.

On the subject of shopping, I see the police, owing to lack of funding of course, are going to limit  ‘investigating’ the crime of shoplifting. This is an obvious win-win as it’ll ease the police budget and I’m sure it’ll fix a fare few family budgets. The police do, however, still have money aplenty to paint their pandas as rainbows. I guess, in these modern times, it’s just a matter of getting your priorities right, right? This downhill racing’s really getting popular is it not?

Quote;  Horace Walpole.

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humour was provided to console him for what he is.”

16 Oct 2017

And Then, It’s All In The Angle...

I have to put my hands up to the fact I stole the pictures below from Guide Fawkes comments, sorry and thank you, and also have to admit to not having a scooby who the front man is, wot TV channel it is – other than the fact it says EN Direct of course - or the political leanings of those in shot or wot the ‘protest’ is about other than they seem to like red.

Let’s give all the above no never mind for a moment; let’s just call it another chapter in that ol’ topic, the camera never lies.

Look closely and, under the trees, you’ll just make out a slack handful of wot I assume to be protesters protesting about who knows wot, with a red banner. See them? They’re out there in front of the TV reporter, ringed, resplendent in red neck protector.

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That shots not really getting the message across is it? Not very ‘exciting’ TV. However, using that depth of field photography thingy a handful can quickly become a full scale, almost revolutionary, protest. Just don’t pan that camera, okay? Now THAT’S good TV.

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Sorry, but it has to be said again, believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear.

As for news of the Austrian election on BBC TV, it looks like that ol’ windy thingy Ophelia blew the result right out o’ sight.
Coming soon to all TV channels: Four hour specials featuring reporters standing in the wind and the rain discussing how Ophelia
was caused by Brexit and the rise of the far-right...

Quote;  Steve Wright.

“Everyone has a photographic memory but some don't have film.”

14 Oct 2017

And Then A Small Jet...

Give me a couple more days, okay?

A couple of days ago I discovered, by pure luck, an almost invisible water leak below the kitchen sing. The bad news was that, on closer inspection, it looked like it’d been leaking for quite some time. The good news? The leak was before the water meter. As work progressed it looked like the valve had received a blow when some cleaning kit had been put back in the cupboard. Now I’m not for one minute suggesting it was my  clumsy little nest of vipers wot done did it. However, it most definitely wasn’t me.

The leak was at the back of the lower connection of the main stop tap and was just a constant little jet straight at the rear wall. No sink unit backing here so as to facilitate all the in and out and branch and washer and garden tap spaghetti pipework and the meter.

When I removed the sink unit front kickboard I’m betting you can guess wot I done discover. Yup, a small boating lake below all the units which, in turn, had soaked into and up all the raw plastered walls behind the units. How could this be? Simple. The floor tiles aren’t laid right up to the walls below the units – just far enough to be cool and no more resulting in a perfect hidden water catchment area so no flow detected our side of the units. Damn!

More wat... later when all returns to what passes for normal here. I’m also going to rig a little leak detector under there.

Quote; ??

“I got a letter from ScrewFix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.”

11 Oct 2017

And Then, A Shots Fired...

Further to the infrequent series on movie and TV annoyances – okay, annoying to the elderly. Okay, annoying to me – we were watching a movie the other evening, classed as a thriller, that followed the usual plot that involved a climax where the one good guy is in an office building being perused by twenty bad guys.

In these movies the bad guys are always armed with machine pistols and the good guy with just the one hand gun. Luckily, the good guys hand gun is fitted with one of they new twenty thousand round ammo clips whereas the bad guys machine pistols are still using the old two thousand round clips.

Also worthy of note, from a gripping movie point of view, there’s always plenty of plywood desks and bookshelves to provide cover and protection, for the goodies and the baddies, from the fusillade of hot lead being fired at each other from a range of roughly ten feet. And it takes forever for any one of these highly trained fellows to land a hit.

This reminded me of a classic Leslie Nielson clip from back in the day. Hang in for the last couple of lines of dialogue in this clip. So simple – so funny. The last one? “Just a little hunch back at the office.”... Imagine the  social media wailing and squealing total meltdown that’d cause in these ‘enlightened’, oh so politically correct times.

             

Impossible not to laugh at this clip. Frank Drebin’s starts his interview of a young lady; he pulls out his smokes and says, “Cigarette.” to which the lady replies, “Yes, I know.” The closing scene is the same as the above clip so please repeat my last sentence from below the above clip. No, the clip above the lower clip.

Quote;  Terry Hayes.

“Nobody’s ever been arrested for a murder; they’ve only ever been arrested for not planning it properly.”